Thirteen days, to be exact, since I last felt my fingers glide across the keyboard to write for me. A full week passed without a single log in, a single glance at my blog. That never happens. In the year since beginning this blog, I can count on my fingers the number of days I haven't at least checked in, and on fingers and toes the number of days I haven't taken the time to write something, anything - even if I never hit publish.
But that anonymous comment kind of took the wind out of my sails. It hurt. It made me want to walk away from my blog and not look back. It made me re-evaluate whether I want to continue this journey, whether I'm as willing as I once was to put myself out there. I spent so much of my life hiding my true self that it's been both liberating and terrifying to let the world in, but these past two weeks I wondered if I was really willing to pay the price that comes with it.
After writing and posting my response to the comment, I thought I'd let it go but it nagged at me. It made me question myself. It evoked thought. It forced me to take a step back, and as I gingerly step forward again I must admit that it has inspired me.
It inspired me to spend more time with F. It inspired this little video, and the entire day that surrounded it - maybe even the whole weekend. It's inspired me to raise a little boy who will face the type of person who says hurtful, hateful words with strength and courage.
And after a lot of reflection, it's inspired me to keep going. This journey is mine and no amount of hateful comments will take it away from me.
I missed you and I'm glad you're back!! I once received a letter from an anonymous parent that did the same thing to me! Because it was anonymous, I decided to ignore it, but because it was so full of hate, it wiggled its way back into my head. I took it to my principal and friend and he promptly tore it up and told me to forget about it. He told me anything written anonymously was not credible and if I were any of the things discussed in that letter, he would have spoken to me about it! It's easy to be brave from a distance or anonymously! You are a great parent, daughter, friend, worker and I could go on and on! Keep on, my young friend!
ReplyDeleteThat video is so beautiful. I love the sneaker shots. You guys are All Stars! And you are raising an adorable little man. You've worked hard and you deserve great things chickee!
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