Irrational.
It's a word I found myself repeating over and over to myself on Saturday morning as I stood in my kitchen. I was being irrational. Completely and utterly irrational. Ridiculous even, and it's made me realize exactly how detrimental self-talk can be. You see, while I was making myself a piece of toast and a cup of coffee before I got ready to work out, I almost called myself that f-word that I promised I wouldn't.
You are not fat. You are being irrational. I shouldn't be eating this bread. Carbs are bad.
Just because you are eating something does not make you fat. Tell that to my squishy stomach. I can't believe I wasn't working out all last month.
You are not fat because you haven't been working out. You were busy. You can work out today and tomorrow. You just need your routine. Hmm, I was pretty busy...
Working out today is not going to make you instantly skinny. It is going to help you be strong, and it will make you feel good. Working out today will make me feel good... and I need to eat in order to have energy and be strong.
You are not fat. You are being irrational. I am being irrational.
This, my friends, was the internal dialogue that went down in a pair of neon shorts while standing in a half-assed tree pose (otherwise known as my cookin' pose) in the kitchen. It's a conversation that once upon a time, I would have had out loud, in front of a mirror - until the day F asked me if he was "fat". It's a conversation lots of us have with ourselves and it's a conversation that needs to stop. I'd dump the friend or the boyfriend who made me feel bad about my body, so it's time I dump my own habit of doing it.
It might sound silly, but self-talk is important. It's the stuff we do in the minutes before a date or an interview or while we're trying to keep ourselves together standing in the longest line-up known to humanity at Starbucks when we just really need that coffee. But as much as we make it through hard times by telling ourselves to breathe, we also tear ourselves down unnecessarily. Or at least, I do.
Tell yourself how awesome you are today. Made it to work on time? Go you! YOU SHOWERED? Fantastic - go eat a cookie! Seriously, eat the cookie. Don't put yourself in a state of detriment. You're better than that.
Before I start, I have to admit I've been neglecting my blog a bit the last little while, but I promise I'll get my shit together soon!
It's here, and it's the last one for the month of August. It's another Thursday, and with it comes a few thumbs-ups. The Thursday before a long weekend is always a little bit hectic in my world, partially because I want to finish everything at work and also because I generally have a fair bit of packing to do. This week was no exception, but today has been by far the best day of my entire month!
1. I had the best weekend last weekend. No, seriously THE BEST. I spent time with friends, went out for wine and had the opportunity to laze around and just relax. This weekend will undoubtedly be a close second since it's a long one, AND I'm seeing F for the first time in two weeks. (For those of you who don't know, my daycare provider effed me and now I don't have childcare again.)
2. On a work trip to New Glasgow this week, I not only got to share my knowledge and passion for social media with a fabulous group of people, but I got to share a delicious meal with a great friend who I haven't seen in far too long! Catching up with friends is the best.
3. I might actually have the best job ever. Just today, I spent my morning with a group of kids and their parents as they were provided with back-to-school assistance including clothing, Wal-Mart gift cards and backpacks filled with crayons, pencils, calculators and binders! Being a part of something bigger than myself, and helping more than 200 people is something that definitely deserves one big thumbs up.
4. This morning, a kind stranger paid for my Starbucks order in the drive-thru. After putting my cash back in my wallet, I decided that I wanted to keep the train of awesomeness chugging along. So I dug out my debit card and asked if I could please purchase the order for the car behind me. As warmed as my heart was by the generosity of that stranger, I felt great passing on that warmth to another. It was a small gesture but it had a huge impact on my day! Thumbs Up for kindness, amiright?
I hope you all had a great week too, and invite you to share your thumbs ups with me anytime! :) Keep the positivity going!
I've said it before, BUT CAN YOU BELIEVE AUGUST IS ALMOST OVER?!
Seriously, you guys, there is only one more Thursday before September is upon us. Shit, right? We'll soon be packing away the summer things, but not before enjoy the last few days and weeks of summer. This week was refreshingly quiet, filled with a couple of great surprises and an astonishing amount of caffeine. As always, there was lots to be done and little of it was finished. Luckily for everyone, tomorrow is Friday and the weekend is within our reach.
I'm looking forward to being even less productive in the upcoming days, but in the meantime I'll be appreciative of the things that deserved a Thumbs Up this week!
1. My parents hosted F for the week, so I've been a free agent all week - and will be until early next week! I've been missing him all week, but I have to admit that I've been enjoying grown up TV and getting lots of work done. That said, I'm really looking forward to catching up on snuggles!
2. I had a fun night out for the first time in a long time. It was well deserved, I really needed it, and that's all I'm saying. :)
3. My almost-85-year-old Nanny spent the night with me last night, on a very rare trip away from home for her. I grew up right next door to this amazing lady, and she is a focal point in most (if not all) of my childhood memories. Being 5 hours away, I don't get to spend as much quality time with any of my family members as I would like, but it was a treat to have her stay with me and see my place. Extra awesome was our trip to Swiss Chalet for soup, cheesecake and a spot o' tea followed by The Beverly Hillbillies before bed.
4. I had two interviews for an amazing opportunity this week, which has rekindled my confidence in my own abilities. After months of sending out resumes and not hearing a peep from any employer, two interviews in as many days was a nice reaffirmation that I have a lot to offer. That said, I was sad to receive a resume for my current position which means my days in my current chair may be numbered.
5. Last, but definitely not least, I had "coffee" with a wonderful friend today. She's an inspiration and like a big sister to me. And I owe her a big thank-you and a kick in the arse for getting me addicted to the Matcha green tea chiller! I'm on my way to get another right. this. minute.
Have a great day! What would you give a Thumbs Up to this week?
I can't even believe it's the middle of August. Summer is almost gone, you guys!
This Thursday, I have a pile of clothes on my floor like you wouldn't believe and I haven't even begun cleaning or packing for our weekend in CB! Gah! As always, life with a toddler is busy and occasionally crazifying but we're plugging on through! Woohoo. With little progress being made on the job front, it's been hard to keep a positive outlook but your day is only as good as you let it be so...
Without further ado, here are some things that earned a Thumbs Up this week!
1. Cool evenings. Although I'm bummed I didn't get to wear some of my new shorts (warm weather, come back!!), I can't complain about cool weather at bedtime. The cooler air makes for a comfortable sleep - and after a week of not sleeping well, I'll take whatever zeds I can get.
2. I still have my job (kind of)! Yay! After giving notice a couple of weeks ago, I definitely wasn't expecting to be glad to still have my part-time position, but when plans changed I was pretty thankful to be able to stay a little bit longer. In the meantime, I'm glad that I have half of my day to spend job hunting.
3. F started taking himself to the potty, which means Mommy is off the hook for quick runs to pee. As a parent, there's nothing better than seeing your child find their confidence and independence and this is a huge feat for F! Only a couple of months ago, I was seriously afraid the kid would never give up his pull-ups and now he's too cool to have his Mom in the bathroom with him. #Winning.
"What other people think of me is none of my business."
Wayne Dwyer may have been on to something when he said that. It's a fabulous way of living - and it's a statement that I wish I could totally get behind. But, like many things, it's easier said than done. I try not to get caught up in the opinions others have of me, but sometimes... just sometimes... it's a good idea to hear them out.
I am my harshest critic, you see. And I'd be willing to be that I'm not alone in that. We all dwell on our shortcomings from time to time, we magnify our flaws in our heads and we beat ourselves up unnecessarily but relentlessly. I apologize to others, but I never apologize to myself. I make myself the villain, even when I know something was out of my hands. I convince myself that I'm the problem, not the other person or not something greater when a relationship turns sour. And then I simmer in it.
Today, my landlord dropped by to let me know some tenants who have been causing the rest of us a lot of grief had been given their notice of eviction. The small talk ensued and he asked about Red. It was unavoidable, I guess, so I explained that things hadn't worked out. Simple as that. I mentioned that I was looking for full-time work and that I knew everything would be fine, in time.
"Well, dear, nobody needs to worry about you," he said. "You're the kind of woman who stands on her own two feet. I don't know you very well, but I know that. You're going to do great."
With that he left, and I smiled to myself.
That's precisely the type of woman that I want to be. It's the type of woman that I was raised by. The type of woman that I would be proud to become; the type of woman I want to raise my son. And apparently, that's the type of woman that I am.
I just didn't know it.
And the truth is simple: we are all the type of person that someone else aspires to be. Someone admires your courage, or your strength. Somebody admires your intellect or your style. Perhaps they are too shy to tell you.
In the time we spend telling ourselves that we're not quite there yet, we forget to celebrate how far we've come. In the time we spend admiring others, we forget to take a good, hard look at ourselves.
Wherever you are, whomever you are and however you got to this place is amazing. A gift. And you are fucking AWESOME.
Keep that in mind. You're welcome.
At the risk of sounding dramatic, this week hasn't exactly been filled with thumbs-ups. It's pretty hard to be sunshine and rainbows immediately post-breakup, but my broken heart hasn't totally gotten in the way of my realizing how blessed my life is.
This Thursday was a bit quieter than the norm. I was lucky enough to send some stuff back to Mom's yesterday (read: laundry), and having her here the last couple of days meant that my toilet was probably clean enough to eat out of (don't worry, I didn't). It wasn't an easy week. Many tears were shed, but things were looking up faster than I could have hoped and I've learned that things are rarely as bad as they seem.
With that said, here are a few things that deserve a Thumbs-Up this week!
1. I'm only half-jobless. This is a bit of a mixed blessing. On the one hand, I have my job temporarily. On the other hand, it's temporary. When I handed in my resignation on Thursday, I didn't think twice about when my position would be filled. Now my life sort of hanging on it. But I've got a broad skillset, so I'll find something somewhere.
2. I have the world's best friends. Seriously. The best. From late-night, lengthy, sob-filled phone calls to the hung over, "OMG-we're-both-crying-what-is-wrong-with-us", I never felt alone. Then there were the tweet-ups, emails, texts and hilarious pictures and the "hey chicky, should I come over with wine?" messages that reminded me just how full my life is.
3. Sick Days. 'Nuff said. Although I'm feeling better, I still needed a day to myself. A day to spend with F. A day to just be. So yesterday, I used one of my sick days at work and it left me feeling totally rejuvenated. Never under estimate the power of a good snuggle and a bubble bath to bring you back to life. Props to F for his mad snuggle-skills.
4. And directly related to sick days, undeniably the greatest blessing of all: I am healthy. I am not facing a serious medical issue, I can get up and go every morning - even on the days I don't want to. So I will. And I'll be thankful every step of the way.
It's amazing what the right perspective can do for you mood.
Sometimes, our plans can change in an instant.
It doesn't matter whether we like it or not. It doesn't matter if we had all of our ducks in a row, and our heart set on something. Sometimes, things are out of our control. Not meant to be. Sometimes they are.
It's easy to drown in the sadness and frustration and anger that comes from disappointment and heartache. It's just as easy to float away with elation, forgetting to keep your feet on the ground. Emotions can feel larger than life, they can smother us with their intensity and we can lose our focus.
It's cliché, but true: In every ending, there comes a new beginning.
Though a chapter of my life that has been full of love, happiness and growth has come to an end, I can see another chapter on the horizon. I don't know what it has in store, but I know that it will be wonderful and beautiful and I will make it through the rough patch I currently find myself in.
Wherever you find yourself in your journey today, remember how blessed you are to be in that exact place. Count your blessings. You make a life with what you have, not what you wish you had. Let it go. Happiness, as always, is waiting.
Be strong and stay positive. XO
Today was a long day.
Like, a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong day. In fact, I've only slept about 4 hours since I got up for work at 5 am on Wednesday morning. Why? you ask? Well, being the medical anomaly that I am, I landed myself in the hospital just before midnight and stayed in the ER until after 8 am.
In spite of feeling awful, I decided to recap all of the things that deserve a thumbs up again this week. Being cranky certainly won't make me feel any better, so I figure it's high time I break out the positivity again.
So, without further ado, here are the things that deserve a Thumbs-Up this week!
1. I finally got the mailbox at my apartment fixed! As lovely as it is to pretend that I don't have bills, the reality is that I do and now that I can actually physically hold them, I feel a lot better about paying them. Extra bonus: I had a credit balance on one of them! Woohoo!
2. I had the opportunity to paint my nails in peace and quiet this week. Any Mom will tell you how hard it is to do that with a kid around. My kidcation hasn't been the glamorous, R&R adventure I was anticipating but I can totally get behind pretty nails!
3. I got a free lipstick at Sephora (as part of a reward for being a loyal customer). I was also the second customer in Atlantic Canada to receive the VIB Rouge status with Sephora. It's both exciting and embarrassing. Don't ask how much I spent to get to that in the last year.
4. Even though I spent more than eight hours in pain, sitting under a thin blanket in the emergency room, the ER staff deserve a real thumbs-up for how hard working they were. Plus, I recognize how fortunate I am to be able to go and spend eight hours in the Emergency Department of the hospital and receive treatment - even if I unfortunately left with more questions than answers and a head full of worry.
5. OK, I know this hasn't happened yet BUT... RED COMES HOME TOMORROW! And if that's not reason to celebrate, nothing is!
