Different

"I feel bad saying I'm tired, I can't believe I'm complaining to you."

"I shouldn't say anything, I know I'm lucky to have her Dad with me."

"Do you ever sleep? Seriously, when do you sleep? When do you have time?"

Yep. I'm busy. I work full-time. I write part-time. I have a preschooler, who I raise alone. I volunteer. I'm on an advisory council. I might be picking up another part-time job. It's called life and while it might not look just like yours, I'm not comparing because it's really apples to oranges, isn't it? Let's just stop comparing.

When Mr Hockey Coach exclaims that he's tired and I nod empathetically, he immediately retracts his statement because he "can't be tired" because he's not me, he's not raising a kid. Wait, what? No, honey, you can be tired.

When my girlfriend vents about how hard it is to be a working parent, she suddenly bites her tongue and says how lucky she is to have her partner with her - someone to share the load. But it's still hard. Parenting is hard. Juggling your workload is hard. Maintaining a social life is hard. It's all hard.

I'm one "try being a single parent" meme away from my head exploding because we're all comparing apples to pineapples and watermelon to walnuts and it's gotta stop. It's useless. It's tiresome. It's time consuming. And we single parents aren't superior to the stay-at-home moms or the work-at-home moms or the parents who have a partner to help raise the kids. (Sorry, single parents. Our shit stinks, too.)

I have friends who are stay-at-home moms, and their lives are busy and rewarding and they are no easier and no harder than mine. They're different. Same goes for my work-at-home mom friends. Shit, I've got friends who don't have kids whose lives are as busy and hectic and stressful and awesome as mine. 

We all have routines and when they are interrupted, it throws us off. 

We all have challenges. We all have needs. We all have ups and downs.

I'm not invincible. I just have different priorities. Not bad. Not better.

 Just different.

Confession: I'm a complainer

I have a confession to make:

I complain about my child.

There. I said it. It's out. I'll just wait here while you reread that, shake your head and call me a bad parent.

Done? OK, good.

When I decided to go back to school, I had to make a lot of tough decisions. I had to leave the comfort zone that I was pretty happy in, give up the home that I loved so much and hardest of all I had to swallow my pride and ask for some help by leaving F with my parents. If you can imagine tearing your heart out and leaving it behind over and over again over the course of six months, you know what I'm talking about.

When I finally - and I mean finally - got to bring him to Halifax to start daycare and live with me, it was a challenge. I had a routine, a schedule, a little life that involved a lot of missing him but not a lot of including him. I had to rethink my approach to my days, my weeks - to every minute of down time. I had to toddler-proof my life, and I was so happy to do it but so exasperated when it didn't go smoothly.

A certain celebrity was quoted as saying that he didn't understand why parents referred to things they've done as "sacrifices" because in his mind there's nothing more important than your child, and that's true... but you do still sacrifice other things to be a better parent. It doesn't mean that those other things were more important or less important than the role as parent, just that they had to be put on the backburner or forgotten altogether.

I had to sacrifice the better part of F's 3-year-old life in order to do what it would take to be a better parent, but then in the same breath I lamented how tired I was, how poorly he was behaving and how tiresome he could be sometimes... but I wouldn't change a second of it.
I wouldn't trade a single meltdown, time-out, temper tantrum, spilled drink or fingerprint on my newly cleaned windows because I know how many people would do anything to have that.

So tonight, as I wandered down the hall in the dark I found myself thanking the universe that I hadn't tripped over anything but longing to step on the dinky cars I normally curse, or to feel a few cracker crumbs under my bare feet because it would mean that F was sleeping soundly a room away.

And I hope that next week after washing the living room window 32 times, pleading with him to put his pants back on, tripping over stuffed animals and finding boogers in my hair that I remember just how empty this apartment feels without him.

Thumbs Up for Thursdays (July 18)

In an effort to be just a leeeeetle more appreciative and positive, I've decided to pay more attention to the great things in my life each week and let the not-so-great things roll off my back.

It's no secret that everyone loves a Friday, leaving Thursday to be little more than the day that stands between us and the beginning of our weekend. Thursday is often the busiest day in my week, as it's my day to try to wrap up loose ends at work, laundry day and if I'm heading home to visit my folks, it's also the day I do my packing and clean the apartment from floor to ceiling. Yikes. As I'm sweating profusely and cursing the dog's fur all over my floor, it's much too easy to let the stress of my busy life get to me. 

But, nobody wins that way. It doesn't make my day any better, and it sure as Hell doesn't get the floors cleaned so pumping out a little positivity is especially important. No one likes a Debbie Downer!

So, without further ado, here are the things that deserve a Thumbs-Up this week!

1.  Red, F and I had a great, super low-key weekend. OK, so technically this was partially last week, but we really did have a great time. I feel especially blessed to welcome Red into our little family, and to have him in my life as a friend and partner. 


2.   Accident-free days with F! Potty-training is a big adjustment, on top of adjusting to his daycare and moving to live with me in Halifax. We like to celebrate the little things at my house, and any day where F doesn't miss a trip to the potty is a special day in my eyes. Congratulations F, and a super-big thanks to Red for all his work in making F feel comfortable with the potty. 

This, you guys, is home. Breton Cove, represent!

3.    A fun surprise! On Tuesday, while casually scrolling Twitter I caught glimpse of a tweet from Lost Cod Clothing (follow them @LostCod) featuring this image. As I would quickly learn, the Cabot Trail Ranch belonged to my great uncle. I hauled ass (in my fabulous heels, no less) from Sackville to Lower Water St. where I nabbed a pile of merch with featuring the sign. Surprise gift for my cousin Merrill! Toot toot!

4.    THIS. Free clothes guys, free clothes. In addition to snazzy new clothes (courtesy of an awesome colleague), I scored great deals on new glasses. As a bespectacled babe, and a fashion-obsessed kind of gal, I'm more than a little excited. 

Another week of summer is *almost* behind me, which is pretty hard to believe. Tomorrow night, I'll be heading to Breton Cove to see my folks and hopefully log some time on the beach! 

Don't forget to tune-in tomorrow for another Beautiful Friday, and make sure you like my Facebook Page.