Words

I lost my words for the past few weeks.

I'm not really sure what happened - perhaps I was just too tired, or maybe it was all the stress I've been feeling lately. Whatever the cause, I think it's finally gone. And that makes me really, really happy.

Know what else makes me really, really happy? This guy.

Last night, after a great walk and play date with new friends and after I had finished writing the first blog post I've written in weeks, F and I curled up together with a soft blanket well past our bedtime to chat. The nights of just F and I are on hold for a while, you see, as Little is coming to stay with us once again. 

F suddenly sat up, very concerned, and asked if we had remembered to put the chocolate milk back in the fridge and I couldn't help but laugh out. It was so unusual.

F is rarely concerned about issues like whether the milk is in the fridge or the light was turned off before we walked out the door. He probably couldn't care less most of the time. So, after reassuring him that the chocolate milk was, in fact, safely stored away in the refrigerator, I snuggled him a little closer and told him I loved him.

But why, Mama?

And then it hit me: I tell him all the time how smart he is. I tell him I love him. I tell F all kinds of nice things, but I never back it up - which is pretty silly, because there are millions upon millions of reasons why I love him, why he's smart and how he's a great guy. So I started telling him.

And it turned into a little game.

"I love you because you are thoughtful and funny. I like the way you think about things and ask questions so you can learn. That's why I think you're so smart."

"Mama, I love you because you do fun things with me and take care of me. And I like that you play with me a lot and we go for walks and you buy me toys all the time!"

I got a little teary-eyed hearing F say some of the things he said, and it made me realize how grown up my little boy has become. In a lot of ways, he's much older than four - he regularly helps me get dinner ready (as in, he MAKES the salad) and we have grown up conversations more often than not. It was the perfect end to a day that had gotten off to a poor start.

And the next time he's acting his own age, throwing a toy at me or trying to pull the cat by the tail, I'll savour that moment and try to wrestle him into the pants he doesn't want to put on, just the same.

I Blog at OMC!

It hasn't been a year since I first sat before my keyboard and let it all out. 

It's been quite a journey. I've found myself - but more than that, I've created a new me. It's been a reinvention. I'm a better person. I'm happier. Stronger. More, well, me.

I had a shocking revelation a couple of months ago when I realized that I've never felt more at home in my own skin. If you've ever felt like you didn't belong in your own body, you know as well as I that it's a terrible feeling. Writing used to be something I sometimes did. Now it's who I am. The past 10 months have been a pursuit of passion, a search for happiness and I wouldn't change a minute of it.

I'm excited to share my newest adventure with you as I've just logged into my new blog position with Ottawa Mommy Club! 

You'll soon be able to follow my blog at OMC (I haven't posted anything just yet), and you can expect 2-6 posts a month on everything from recipes to reviews, tips on writing, a couple of work outs and a pile of momisms. 

Stay tuned for a link to my new blog, Li'l Ms. Write! 

First Giveaway

Since starting my Facebook page two weeks ago, I've racked up 100 likes!

To celebrate this feat, I'm holding the first of what I hope to be many giveaways. To get in on the action, be sure to check out my Facebook Page and hit the Like button!

This first giveaway will be a pair of handmade earrings, with the photo to follow as soon as I get home to choose a pair! Thanks to all who've supported me on my journey! See you soon!


a Rafflecopter giveaway

Gotcha!

You know when you're walking out of a store on a windy day, and your receipt that you totally need blows away?

Yeah. I hate that.

So, knowing full-well that you look like a total jackass, you run across the parking lot all flailing limbs and tripping over shopping bags (what were you thinking wearing heels, anyway?), hair blowing in your face trying to get one of your feet to land on top of the receipt. There's anxiety lightly gripping (or totally asphyxiating) in your chest, until you manage to grab it.

Enter sigh of relief and cue victory dance. Am I right? You know I am.

I had that feeling today, after months and years of feeling that moment of possible loss. I saw my name, all glossy and pretty, in the byline of a magazine. A real one. A real publication.

I'm a real writer.

Anyone who knows me knows writing is kind of my thing. My passion. My outlet. My first love. My dream.

It got away once though, blowing across the parking lot  of life much like the Future Shop receipt from when I bought my iPad... except that I didn't let my dream blow away so easily. I chased it, in everything from fat pants to skinny jeans, running shoes to leopard print wedge booties until I caught it.

Today, I got to hold that dream in my hands and it felt bigger than it ever looked, and better than I could have imagined.

I'm a real writer.

Whatever your dream is, don't stop chasing it. You're a step or two away from getting one of those fabulously-shoed feet or perfectly manicured hands catching it.

Upcoming

I always wanted to be a writer.

I've spent most of my life writing - diaries, short stories, poems, letters. Before I had the words to write stories, I would draw them out (just ask my parents - I'm sure they spent a small fortune on notebooks and pencils for me). I just love it. I love words. In spite of spending hours and hours writing, I never considered myself a writer.

Now I do.

Since my first steps back in September, I've pitter-pattered down the path to where I am today. To being a writer. To finally being me. A year ago, I couldn't see it but now it's all I see. Words.

I remember being a teenager - maybe even a pre-teen - and telling Dad I was going to write a book. He recommended I go all J.K. Rowling and become a household name. I swore I was going to, but that conviction walked out around the same time my belief that I was going to marry Brad Pitt left. A hundred times, I've sat down and typed out pages but I've fizzled out, losing interest or direction. Years passed, and I didn't care if I wrote again. After churning out academic papers in university, I lost my love for writing. It had become a chore.

When I started writing again, the fire that I used to feel was reignited. The urge to write a book came back, and while I often joke that I can't write it as long as Mom and Dad can still read, the truth is that it's coming. In fact, it started 24 years ago when a then 18-year-old woman kissed me goodbye.

I don't know how long it will take, but you can safely hold your breath. It's coming.

Comeback Mom

In the midst of my January blahs, I've also had good reason to celebrate.

First, and certainly most important, is the fact that I am honestly and truly happy. I don't know if I've ever been able to say this with certainty before - and inspite of the general blahness of the past few weeks, I am at peace with myself more than ever. Sure, there are things I'd like to change but all in all, I'm in a good place.

I know who I am. I know what I want. I'm on the road to making my dreams become a reality and I've made some of them come true already. I believe fiercly in the importance of setting goals and holding onto our dreams. I let some of my dreams go in the past, and I've just managed to catch up to them again. Want in on the dream? Check it all out here.

I can still hear the snide remarks, feel the hurt from the blows that told me no one would want to read what I write so I stopped writing. Don't we all do that from time to time? We let the negativity of others beat us down. Have you?

Well, I think it's time for you to have your Comeback.