Partners (In Crime?)

Titles.

I kind of hate them. Boyfriend. Girlfriend. They seem so packed, and yet sometimes they just don't carry the merit which the person holding said title deserves. I had this realization when, mid-conversation, I struggled to decide how to describe Red. Using his name wouldn't mean anything to the stranger with whom I was speaking. Boyfriend sounded too... um... juvenile. Husband he's not - I have one of those. They're overrated and I'm trying to get rid of him the way one might try to get rid of a Planter's wart.

In a split second decision, I went all willy-nilly and threw "partner" into the mix and felt immediately pretentious and douchebag-y because it just sounded off.

And yet, it's kind of the only way I can describe him in one word. We might be here all day if I get into the way I really might describe him, and I don't want him to stumble upon this post and get all puffed up. I like to keep him on his toes.

Lessons

Being in a relationship again is kind of weird – but in a good way.

As much as I was really beginning to enjoy hanging out in my sweatpants and being totally disgusting when hidden behind the walls and doors of my apartment, I have to admit that I’m a much bigger fan of having the companionship I've found in Red. It’s such a drastic change from my last relationship that I sometimes find myself overwhelmed with the urge to find a way to go back in time and smack myself upside the head. We just laugh all the time. There’s no nitpicking (except for the occasional, fun pick-at-each-other-sprees we tend to go on – but it’s all in fun, really), and I feel genuinely appreciated every minute that we’re together, and the warm feeling stays with me all day long.

Last night, after consuming far too much food, we laced up our sneakers, put Daisy’s leash on her and hit the pavement for a walk/jog together. I've never done that before. I've never wanted to spend that time with someone, and it’s a little bit overwhelming. I’m not an expert on relationships, but I've had enough of the shitty variety to be assured that I've got a good thing in my life right now. I’m not 100% convinced that I know how to keep a relationship on solid ground, but I think I've learned enough over the past few broken hearts to have a bit of a grasp on this notion.

1. Always think the best of each other. Believe strongly in the good, and doubt the bad.

2. Talk. (Crazy, right?) If you can't talk about it, you have no right doing it - whatever it may be. Sex, love, relationship, whatever. Just talk.

3.Go to bed angry. Go to work angry. Stew, if you must. Have a sip of coffee by yourself, and deal with it when you’re ready. It’s highly unlikely you’re going to solve whatever you’re facing when you’re both overtired, or when you have 15 minutes until you leave for work. Whoever said you should stay up arguing until 3:30 AM, sleep-deprived and frustrated was an idiot. 

4. Don’t complain about your partner to your friends. They don’t love him (or her) the way you do, and they’re less likely to forgive, assuming they ever do. If your friends hate your significant other, it makes your relationship a lot harder. Trust me on this. The same goes for your parents. Need to vent? Talk to his Mom. She'll forgive him. Yours probably won't.

5. Let. Shit. Go. Seriously. Those little things will drive you crazy, so check it where it needs to be and move on whenever possible.

6. Finally (even if a little contradictory to my point here): If it’s that bad, just leave. You’ll both be happier. Life's too short for a shitty relationship. Someone great is waiting. 

I strongly believed for most of my life that being alone was the worst thing in the world. It’s not. Being lonely in a relationship is the worst thing ever. Feeling unfulfilled or unappreciated breaks you down, and it sucks the life and energy from you. My year of singledom was enlightening, occasionally lonely, but it has been and will likely remain to be one of the most educational, fulfilling experiences of my life.

And I can’t wait to see what this next phase brings me.

Uncovered

Easter has come and gone in a flash.

It's funny the way we anticipate events and holidays for weeks and weeks in advance. Just think of the craziness surrounding Christmas every year. I spent the last week or two worrying about this weekend - not because I had a lot to get done, but because F was meeting Red. My stress levels grew exponentially as we got closer and closer to the day.

My concern was certainly not that F wouldn't like Red. I knew he would. Red is funny and sweet, and he's a big kid himself most of the time. My concern lay in the fact that I felt there may be a real possibility that F would send Red running in the opposite direction. Don't get me wrong: I love F like there's no tomorrow, and I wouldn't change a single hair on his sweet, little head. But he's too much like me. He's wound so tightly that when he lets go, it's approximately the equivalent of letting 7.4 million bouncy balls (F's favourite) loose in a tunnel. He's often too smart for his own good, plus he has my red-headed temper and bull-headed stubbornness to boot.

In short, the kid is a handful.

But all my worry was for wasted. The boys hit it off right away, and within only a few minutes they were perched on the piano stool making noise music and laughing together. Before I could say "melt", F was telling me that Red was his friend. We're now about to head into a really big week - F will be coming to Halifax with me, and Red will be hanging out with him while I'm at school and work.

Watching F and Red blowing bubbles on the step yesterday afternoon, or seeing Red kiss F's head as they said goodnight at bedtime last night absolutely melted my heart. I couldn't have orchestrated a more perfect weekend if I tried. We enjoyed some quality time with Red's mom and dad, we watched movies and we snuggled a lot.

We're heading into a very big and exciting week, now. In a few short hours, F and I will pick Red up and head to Halifax for a week together. Red and F will hang out (with Daisy, of course) while I'm in school or at work. It's a little nerve-wrecking, but I'm sure it'll be fantastic. I'm packing away my fears while I pack extra big-boy pants for F.

It's hard - and often terrifying - but packing those fears away often helps uncover true happiness and wonderful surprises. What are you waiting for?

Introductions

Having a boyfriend is different than it used to be.

Once upon a time, having a boyfriend meant that I would have to go through the (sometimes) awkward process of introducing him to my family and meeting his. It meant mingling with his friends, while I slowly eased him into being around the wing nuts I call my girls. Now, though, there's a real twist to the whole thing.

I have a tiny, absolutely precious, little toddler heart to look out for.

I'm really lucky in that Red and I have known eachother since the beginning of time. In fact, I don't ever remember not knowing him - it's a different, kind of weird dynamic but I like it. In addition to knowing him forever, we've also always known eachothers families. He's sat in the gear shed at the wharf with my Dad drinking beer after a day of fishing.  I'm not sure if it makes it easier or harder to start a relationship with someone when you know each other's families so well (especially since our Dads are pals) but I do know that this relationship has come easier than probably any that I've ever had in my life.

But I still have to "officially" introduce him to F, and there's just no amount of mental preparation to get me ready for that one. Even though Red has seen F around the wharf and around the community, F will have no idea who he's meeting and they've never spent any time together. It's not really something I ever anticipated doing, introducing my child to a boyfriend, but it's a week away. I'm see-sawing between the excitement of seeing F with Red and dreading it, because F is a handful at the best of times.

I knew dating was going to be a horse of a different colour these days, and I feel pretty damn blessed to have found someone who totally accepts me for who I am and how my life looks, all messy and half upside down sometimes.

I wrote in the past that a Mom doesn't introduce her kid to a guy she's dating unless she really likes him, but the truth is that I won't let F meet someone who I'm not genuinely serious about. I've kind of surprised myself in being serious about someone, but it's a great surprise. 

And I have a sneaking suspicion F is going to love him. I know I do.