Mom-Shaming

If you've ever been a Mom, you've experienced that incomprehensible combination of joy and absolute terror as the fact that someone is now completely dependent on you sinks in. There's really no greater honour than becoming a parent - whether through birth or adoption. It's a wonderful journey filled with love, bumps in the road and lessons to be learned. 

I was disgusted last night to stumble across tweets, blog posts and articles pointing out things like Kate Middleton's figure post baby (heaven forbid she have a bump LESS THAN 24 HOURS AFTER HAVING A BABY), and attacks on the new family for not securing the baby into the car seat properly.

Really, you guys? You other moms knew how to do everything perfectly? You all left the hospital with flat stomachs, looking better than the Duchess? Gimmeabreak. But this isn't about Kate Middleton. It's about a world-wide community of mothers who fail eachother and themselves. It makes me sad that as a community of moms we're not being that: a community. We're leaving one another to drown, throwing eachother to the wolves.

Where's the support, gals? I'd wager there's not a single mama reading this post right now who hasn't been made to feel inadequate as a parent at one time or another. And if you haven't, maybe it's a sign that you are the problem. 

I'd like to meet the mother who, on her first try, managed to do everything perfect 24 hours after giving birth. And then, after shaking her hand, I'd like to punch her in the throat and call her a liar. Because nobody is perfect. Nobody.

I've been called a bad mom, and I've called myself a bad mom. I'm not. I'm normal. I make mistakes, lose my temper, forget my manners and let F have popsicles for breakfast sometimes. SUE ME. When he was a few months old, I turned my back for a split-second and he fell off the bed. I felt terrible, but guess what? It never happened again. I learned that lesson.

And do you know what? I've done it. I've judged another Mom, as she lost her temper with her kid in the grocery store aisle. When I was pregnant, I swore I'd never do some of the things I saw other parents do. I did. We all did. But after being on the receiving end of it, I'm a little more forgiving and a lot more understanding. 

I understand that all the seasoned parents of the world feel that the Duke and Duchess could stand to learn a thing or two from their awesomeness, but how about getting down off your high horse and trying this whacky new concept: just be happy for them.

I could write about Mom-on-Mom shaming until I'm blue in the face, but I'll leave you with this:

Don't judge that mom. You have no idea what's going on in her day. Instead of judging her for looking tired and thrown together and maybe completely out of her mind a little bit stressed, congratulate her on her beautiful kid(s). Tell her how cute they are. Point out how well mannered or smart and articulate they are. She's doing her best, just as you are. We all have things to learn, mistakes we need to make and obstacles to face. It's a hell of a lot easier when we have a community of supportive people behind us.